Never reaching the top

Why is it that everytime I seem to be getting on my feet something else comes along to knock me down? I finally got Panthere to take me on a date and now he barely texts me. Oh well right? THEN Fried Rice and myself are finally getting to hang out and BAM he left to go to Idaho. Something is going on with my sweets and I have no idea what it is or if I can even help because I'm friggin stuck here in doofus oklahoma. Just when I figure out what I want to do in life I lose my bestfriend, Ama. My mother finally realizes she wants to keep my cat and now she isn't going to let me take my baby with me when I leave for college. So when I leave for college I'm going to be alone. None of my friends are going to the college I am going too. I mean every freaking time I think I got a leg up I realize I've only slipped farther down. I mean I'm not even living at home right now because my AC hasn't been working for TWO months. Luckily my mom has really great friends and they are letting us stay over. I am just so tired of it all... Tired of being the one who always seems to get hurt. Mom says I have to be strong, but I'm damned tired of being strong. For once I'd like someone to be strong fo me. For once I'd like to be able to cry in front of people and not feel like they are all judging me. For once I'd like to be able to actually be invited somewhere with someone. For once I'd like to be included. I feel like I'm the friend that everyone is always like, "Damn here she comes...again." Sometimes I wonder if I should just close myself off from everyone. Become a loner. It's not like it'd change anything. I'd still sit at home while everyone goes and hangs out without even inviting me. I'd still be sitting here writing out all my feelings on a blog that no one reads. I'd still want what I am sure I'll never have. I'd still be here...never reaching the top.