Ashley

Ashley...what ever happened to our dreams?

We first met in seventh grade. I really don't remember how it happened but I think it had something to do with lunch. I know we had a lot of classes together and I think I came and sat with you at lunch. We hit it off instantly. Soon we were best friends. As time went on we found out we were sisters of the heart. We were going to live together during college, move to a big city together, and raise our kids together. We had the perfect man picked out and the perfect life. We joked about me setting of a bomb the was supposed to kill you because of your job. (Weird I know) What happened to all that?

I remember all the times you told me those guys didn't matter or that it would be okay. I remember us talking about the worst of our problems and the best of our days. One of my favorite memories is when you and me were talking to Ken at the same time and I would beat you to something you wanted to say or you'd beat me to it and we would laugh so hard about it. Your brother thought we were crazy then and I suppose he still thinks we are. So..what happened to all of that?

I remember the first time you hit me, all because of Miggie. I was in shock but I wasn't mad. Josh had to carry me across the grass because of stickers. That trip was the greatest. Six Flags. I remember so many things about our relationship. What happened?

I know it started before the whole drama, we were growing apart. I remember I yelled at you because of something. You had been hitting me or something and I was tired of it. We stopped hanging out as much and I had to stop hula. I love to dance, man how I love it, but Ash I didn't have the money. Even if I could of went to practice I would of never been able to buy the costumes. I just couldn't do it this year. I'm sorry.

No matter what ever happened to us Ashley, no matter the drama or the fights or whatever, you are always the sister of my heart.

Panthere :]

Ah Kris, my beautiful columbian. I love you, but I'm over you. It was one of th greatest feelings knowing that you cannot hurt me anymore, that you cannot drag my feelings through the dirt and think to make it better with petty words. For the longest time I thought maybe just maybe you'd realize how stupid you were and then I realized myself that you were right, it wasn't me, it was you. How stupid could I of had been? I could of lost of the most important things a girl has because of you and thank god I came to my senses. You didn't want me, you never wanted me. You wanted my body just like every other horny ass male out there and I'm glad I realized it. You were never worth my time and I am so mad at myself for wasting it on you. I could of had a nice guy who wanted me and not sex. Well Kris thanks to you I've learned my lesson. Never again will I be caught in a web like the one you sew. Thank you for everything. Honestly. I hope that one day you won't be so blind or so stupid, because you never know who will be the other half of your heart.

Never reaching the top

Why is it that everytime I seem to be getting on my feet something else comes along to knock me down? I finally got Panthere to take me on a date and now he barely texts me. Oh well right? THEN Fried Rice and myself are finally getting to hang out and BAM he left to go to Idaho. Something is going on with my sweets and I have no idea what it is or if I can even help because I'm friggin stuck here in doofus oklahoma. Just when I figure out what I want to do in life I lose my bestfriend, Ama. My mother finally realizes she wants to keep my cat and now she isn't going to let me take my baby with me when I leave for college. So when I leave for college I'm going to be alone. None of my friends are going to the college I am going too. I mean every freaking time I think I got a leg up I realize I've only slipped farther down. I mean I'm not even living at home right now because my AC hasn't been working for TWO months. Luckily my mom has really great friends and they are letting us stay over. I am just so tired of it all... Tired of being the one who always seems to get hurt. Mom says I have to be strong, but I'm damned tired of being strong. For once I'd like someone to be strong fo me. For once I'd like to be able to cry in front of people and not feel like they are all judging me. For once I'd like to be able to actually be invited somewhere with someone. For once I'd like to be included. I feel like I'm the friend that everyone is always like, "Damn here she comes...again." Sometimes I wonder if I should just close myself off from everyone. Become a loner. It's not like it'd change anything. I'd still sit at home while everyone goes and hangs out without even inviting me. I'd still be sitting here writing out all my feelings on a blog that no one reads. I'd still want what I am sure I'll never have. I'd still be here...never reaching the top.